


burden and purpose

by cataclysmique



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Asgardian Loki, Avenger Loki, Blood and Torture, Brainwashing, Implied/Referenced Brainwashing, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Jötunn Loki, Loki & Tony Stark Friendship, Loki Angst, Loki Feels, Loki Has Issues, Loki Redemption, Loki-centric, Manipulative Nick Fury, Odin's A+ Parenting, Odin's Bad Parenting, Partial Mind Control, Past Torture, Protective Thor, Psychological Torture, Thor Is a Good Bro, Tony Angst, Tony Has Issues, Torture, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-02
Updated: 2017-06-02
Packaged: 2018-11-08 02:31:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 567
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11072208
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cataclysmique/pseuds/cataclysmique
Summary: Loki Laufeyson was a monster.And yet fate decreed he would live to be a pawn in war.And destiny refused to deter from his path.





	burden and purpose

**Author's Note:**

> A flexibly-linear collection of Loki moments.  
> This would be my first time taking Loki out to play, so please be gentle. As well as my first work here.
> 
> I do not make any gains from this work, and as much as I would like to own shares in Marvel, that isn't currently feasible.

It was a brief, terribly rare, moment of awareness. For a few heartbeats; a few seconds in which he was able to draw breath with a clear mind, he could remember.  
And it was terrifying.  
The panic rose in his throat like bile, burning his chest, his heartbeat suddenly furiously thundering against his ribs. It drowned out his sharp, rapid breaths with a staccato beat, accompanied by the deafening rush of blood that blackened his vision.  
He couldn’t be entirely sure what was killing him faster – the brutal physical torture, or these rare moments of awareness which only allowed him to remember exactly what he had done.  
There wasn’t a single part of his body that didn’t feel as if the skin had been peeled from his flesh, leaving exposed, lacerated muscle and splintered bone. Deep gouges laced his torso in a labyrinthine pattern, the edges of the wounds charred, blood seeping with every rise of his chest. What skin remained was a vicious galaxy of purple and black, sticky with partially dried blood. His vision blurred between unconsciousness and debilitating panic. His throat seared, raw from weeks of screaming – he had ceased months ago.  
Yet nothing compared to the turmoil which roiled in his head, poisoning his memories and destroying his mind.  
His world was a lie; his existence nothing but a pawn to be used in war. The life he had grown up in was a fallacy designed to bring a corrupt ruler power.  
Loki Laufeyson was a monster.  
Letting go, falling into the abyss – he had wanted to keep falling further, to fall as far as to be consumed by the universe, or to simply cease to exist. He desired death, the inevitable nothingness where his mind would stop. Where he could escape the pain of his mind destroying itself.  
And yet fate decreed he would live to be torn, broken, from an unknown world.  
And destiny refused to deter from his path.  
He slumped, broken, barely conscious, in a Chitauri torture chamber, heavy shackles chafing his wrists, carving crevices into the bone of his ankles. Brainwashed into becoming a pawn for a corrupt power.

'Loki Laufeyson is a monster.'  
_Loki Laufeyson is a monster._  
'Thor Odinson does not deserve the Asgardian throne, Loki. He is weak, and arrogant, and will allow Odin Allfather to claim victory.'  
_Thor Odinson is weak. Odin Allfather will die._  
'Loki, your power is great…you will prove to Odin Allfather what a terrible mistake he has made in underestimating you. You will prove how wrong he was in favouring Thor; how inadequate Thor is for king. What better way to do so…than to command the worlds Thor has taken for his own?' _I will **destroy** them._

All he could feel was a searing rage, burning his very veins with a devastating agony. A fire which consumed his entire being – the desire to tear Thor apart, to destroy Odin by destroying the only son he had ever cared for, and to force him to understand the tortuous, self-destructive weapon that his mind had become.

 

'You are ready.'

/// this is deplorably short and quite truncated in style -- attempting to reflect what I think his psychological state would be at this point. I played around with tenses and hopefully didn't make it too hard to read. chapters will be longer soon, i think.  
please let me know what you think!


End file.
